United by Jessica Renee Collins

In the words of our soul brother, Phil: "Give me one more night, give me just one more night, Oh one more night...." Ah! What a blast of a trip and I miss it. I miss living in an RV with my family all together in one long space; I miss the pop of the gravel under our tires as we entered a new campground, craning our necks all around to find the playground and the pool; I miss seeing things I've never seen before and probably won't ever see again; and I miss, most of all, the feeling of being united with my man and my girls, all experiencing the same things, all laughing at the same time, all carrying the same memories, all contributing to the greatest Collins family vacation ever.




I'll try not to stray into the deep end of the pool too much, but damn does real life suck. You guys already knew that though because you've been stuck here while the Collins' were out there so now we've joined you again. Are you happy? Huh? Happy now? Yes, I thought so. Well then, let's commence with the memories.


Day 16, June 29th: Winnemucca, NV to Twin Falls, ID


The name "Winnemucca" is the best thing about Nevada and don't you forget it. You need not go there. Seriously, Nevada is brown, Nevada is hot, Nevada gives you plenty of time to think about why the hell you're still in Nevada. Don't go. If you do go, and I don't know why you would unless you don't actually trust my judgment, please rescue one of those scraggled broccoli bushes and plant the poor thing in Idaho instead because Idaho knows how to turn things green.


Since I'm never going back to Nevada, one of you can steal this million dollar idea which is to create a feature length film called "Fields of Green." Simply shoot two hours of Idaho farmland footage: gorgeous manicured green, gigantic sprinklers stretching their legs miles wide spritzing cool, wet relief across grateful grounds, and then take that video back across the border and ask those Nevada people whether they really want to visit that brothel or if they'd, perhaps, like a look-see at something even more titillating. Twenty to one odds they go green.


This leg of the journey is memorable because it is the only time we could not find our campground which purportedly contained a natural hot springs pool with diving boards. We searched through at least thirty to forty minutes of farmland in all directions and then ended up on a road that threatened to take us up a freakin' mountain and since we'd had enough of that action, we u-turned that baby faster than a potato grows in Idaho and settled on a nearby campground featuring a curbside gigantic chair instead. Anyone who has driven through Waldo, FL (on their way to a Gator game!)would have scoffed at the straight-legged puniness of this chair compared to Waldo's goliath rocker, but my girls were well pleased and since I couldn't give them hot springs diving boards, I was grateful for that pathetic attempt at a giant chair.


Day 17, June 30th: Twin Falls, ID to West Yellowstone, Montana


This day started where the previous day ended. No, not with that ridiculous chair; get your mind off that already! I know for sure that more than half of you just Googled "Waldo's Ginormous Rocking Chair" because you have never been to a Gator football game via Waldo and that's just sad. Get off your Google and get to a game! but don't speed through Waldo. Okay, now I'm waiting for you to Google why you shouldn't speed through Waldo. While I'm waiting, I'll put on some hold music. How about a little "Landslide?" Good for you? Good for me too because that is exactly why this day started where the previous day ended.


Besides cooking meat on a propane grill that would actually connect to our RV, my husband Bryan, aka Clark Griswold, aka Charlie Brown, had only one request for this 8,200 mile road trip. That request was that he be able to listen to his MP3 player while driving. Not much to ask you say? Well, you were not in the car for 8,200 miles with three women who are not exactly quiet and who also possess a curse against technology. This gets into the deep end of the pool for Bryan so suffice to say that despite all manner of splitter jacks, headphones purchased at Wal-Marts across America, and wire-y thingmajigs spaghetti-ing up the backseat beneath the girls' legs, at some point in every driving day, with the exception of Idaho, Bryan would slap the steering wheel in frustration and plead, "I just want to hear my music."


Oh, Idaho, yes, Idaho, for some reason you possessed the ability to keep the girls quiet with functioning technology for six straight songs, oh glory be, and those six straight songs were all "Landslide." We heard three in a row the night before, first the Dixie Chicks version, then Stevie Nicks' version, then Stevie Nicks' live version and then we heard them again straight through in the morning when Bryan's MP3 player thoughtfully backtracked to the "L" songs again and let me tell you that I did not get bored singing along with that song all six times. You can imagine Bryan's joy. 


Day 18, July 1st: West Yellowstone, Montana


The area near the west entrance to Yellowstone is just plain glorious, especially if you have come from the desolate campground and surrounding town of Yosemite which we had. I very nearly cried with gratitude when I saw the touristy nature of West Yellowstone with its walk to it stores & restaurants, its abundance of hotels & gas stations, its reliable Wi-Fi, and its gradual mountains with sloping hills rather than steep drop offs. The Yellowstone Grizzly RV Park was one of our favorite campgrounds of the trip--it and the surrounding area felt like a warm & fuzzy little town with nice people and easy to navigate, bike-able streets. The only discomfort we felt here were the 36 degree nights and the occasional monstrous Montana mosquito. How those suckers survived the frigid temperatures I do not know, but I do know that they were pissed about it because their bites hurt and itched for a good long while. They have a thing or two to teach Florida's mosquitos...I have no doubt that they could survive our wet heat if they wanted to.  


West Yellowstone gave me my first inkling for what the theme for my next blog should be. A woman from Minnesota sat down next to me while our respective girls played on the playground (with a tire swing!) and if this woman had lived in Florida, I knew that she could have been a close friend because although I only spoke to her for a total of ten minutes, we instantly found common ground and had a comfortable conversation about wife, woman, and mother stuff, just as if she was one of my close friends back in FL.


Standing in front of Old Faithful with hundreds of other tourists gave me this same feeling too: unity. Here we all are, staring at a hole in the ground, waiting to lose our breaths together when it erupts, which we did when it did. Can you dig it? I can dig it. There's something about experiencing what America has to offer with other people who are just as excited to be there as you and who have traveled just as far and waited just as long to see these things that are somewhere in the consciousness of every American. Unity, I tell you; it's a powerful thing. Shared experience, shared goals...it's something this country had when I was growing up and I feel like it's something this country lacks today. Sometimes it's there, we all had it for a little while when the USA team was in the World Cup for instance, but often now America is united only after horrific tragedies like 9-11, Sandy Hook, and the Boston marathon bombing and even then it's fleeting.


Too much into the deep end? Okay, let's swim back then and look at the Grand Prismatic in Yellowstone. Google that mother right now...see, what did I tell you? America! She's gorgeous in places you didn't even know about. We spent the rest of this day exploring the geysers and other good stuff in the southern portion of Yellowstone. I especially enjoyed the roadside views of rivers just babbling picturesquely away over and around rocks and fly fisherman, green sloping mountains and lush pine trees in the background. We also learned that if you find yourself in a traffic jam in Yellowstone, you will find yourself with your camera at the ready 15 minutes later because the jam was caused by a bison sighting, sometimes a moose, elk, or deer as well.     


Day 19, July 2nd: West Yellowstone, Montana


This day in Yellowstone was not as enjoyable as the first day in Yellowstone, but it had its rewarding moments. We decided to explore the northern portion of the park and it took a long time, hours of driving in fact and Bryan's music seemed rather fond of Will Smith's gangsta period during these hours. Not a good period, Will, just no, not.


The north portion of Yellowstone contains gorgeous waterfalls that are a delight to see, but a pain to get to as there are tens and tens of miles between them, up and down and around roads that are not as pretty as the west entrance and south portion because a river does not run through them, nor does Brad Pitt as far as I could discern. Several of the hot tourist spots were tight with cars so that you had to wait awhile to even find a parking space to see what you had traveled there to see and you best see it for God's sakes, because there was no going back to it, not with how spread out everything was. Yosemite gets an extra few tally marks here because they provided free shuttles to move the tourists along from place to place and Yosemite Valley was also bike-able or hike-able, not so in Yellowstone. You need a good set of wheels there, a full gas tank, and some soundtrack other than gangsta Will.


Besides waterfalls, we also saw a petrified tree and a large gathering of Amish people in the northern part of Yellowstone. I have no idea how they got there because a covered wagon would not handle the miles and miles of driving there and, besides, the women all had sunburned necks beneath the backs of their bonnets, so I suspect that they arrived in Yellowstone using uncovered roller skates. Also, one of the Amish guys had a camera which I thought was a forbidden mechanical device, but what do I know? I'm from Florida. This Floridian thought Amish people just stared and stared at attractions other Americans get to take pictures of, just burning the memories into their eye sockets so that they can later draw the images in paintings for other Amish who didn't craft their own uncovered roller skates.  


The highlight of this day was finding snow!  Yes, snow!  In July! There are not enough exclamation points to convey the delight we felt at finding summer snow up there in the Yellowstone mountains. We played in it barehanded and I ate gobs of it because it was #1 not yellow and #2 July. It was the perfect texture, a flavorless slushie. The girls had snowball fights with us and made snowmen, Riley even attempted a snow angel which is apparently not so comfortable in shorts and a T-shirt, but oh it was wonderful. A memory those Florida girls are never going to forget and a nice reward for a long day.


Day 20, July 3rd: West Yellowstone, Montana to Buffalo, Wyoming


The drive to Wyoming was one of the most pleasant of the trip because we went through Big Sky, Montana which is gorgeous. Rivers, beautiful, calendar-quality rivers led nearly the whole way there and we saw a ton of fly fishermen as well as groups of people in wet suits going white-water rafting. Montana is definitely a place I recommend that you see, especially the Bozeman downtown area which was like small town America only faced in bricks and brand-new. It was so clean and just downright quaint there and I hope I get back to visit that area again in particular because it looked like the perfect walkable city. Because all of the people there looked young and hip as they jaunted to their brick cafes and bookstores, I surmised that a college might be nearby and my friend, Google, confirmed that Montana State University is indeed located in Bozeman. Go Bozeman Bobcats!


Wyoming is a decently green state and I will always remember it because it snowed cotton at our campground. I was watching the girls play on yet another campground playground, this time one with a horse tire swing, and a sudden breeze came through and with it came clumps of fuzzy white stuff all over the place. I have no idea where it came from--seemingly the clouds made it. Grass clotted with cotton is quite an odd sight for this Floridian to see.


Bryan probably remembers Wyoming because it is the location where a friendly fellow motorist informed us that the bike rack on the bumper of the RV was falling off. A different friendly fellow motorist informed us (somewhere back in Idaho) that 5ft of our sewer tube was dragging along the highway after escaping from the inside of this very same bumper. Although Bryan is a generally pleasant person, I presume that the next friendly fellow motorist to inform us of something involving the RV's bumper, might find a piece of it where the sun don't shine.


From this state on, we had to store all 4 of our bikes inside the RV and hey, if you haven't heard about this great new workout, it's called lifting 4 bikes up three steps into a skinny doorway, through a living room, a kitchen, and then through another skinny doorway into a bedroom, drive about 7-8 hours, and then remove 4 bikes from a bedroom through a skinny doorway, through a kitchen, a living room, another skinny doorway and then down three steps. Repeat for 15 more days. Great times.


Day 21, July 4th: Buffalo, Wyoming to Custer, South Dakota


We spent America's birthday at the Crazy Horse Memorial which is a seriously impressive mountain carving that will eventually include an entire Indian warrior on a horse and be the world's largest sculpture. After almost 70 years of work, only Crazy Horse's face is complete and to give you an idea of the size of it, Mt. Rushmore in its entirety will fit in just the head of Crazy Horse which is 22 stories tall.


I was most taken by the fact that the sculptor for this project spent most of his life performing the hardest possible physical labor daily and never even got to see the fruits of his labor. Korczak Ziolkowski worked on the monument from 1947 until his death in 1982 and the face wasn't even distinguishable in the mountain until the late 90s. I cannot imagine dedicating my life to something that I would never be able to fully appreciate--it was just astounding.


Also impressive is the fact that seven of the sculptor's ten children have also dedicated their lives to their father's project--talk about unity!--and this monument is completely non-profit, relying on visitor and donor dollars. They have twice refused a $10 million dollar contribution from the government. Hopefully we'll come back here as old people and be able to see the completed sculpture but, at the pace it's going, I'm not sure that our grandchildren will even see it completed. Quite an anomaly in American culture and one to keep an eye on. They have special "blast" dates throughout the year where you can experience the dynamite carvings and they also have a nice patio seating area for a laser light show on the mountain detailing the history of Crazy Horse and the project. Good stuff.


Day 22, July 5th: Rapid City, South Dakota


We spent this entire day exploring the sights my friend Google recommended for kids, starting with Story Book Island which is a free outdoor park for kids to play in with pretty much every story character imaginable incorporated into a play structure. One of their favorites was Peter's Pumpkin which had curved interior walls to run up and a great echo effect. Many of the structures have been there since the 50s and I even saw slides and structures like the ones I played in as a kid, so it was a great memory trip for me. Old times were good times.


We next headed to Dinosaur Park which is another free location featuring several humongous dinosaurs to climb on, way up in the mountains. It was a hike and a half to get up there to see them from just the parking lot below, but it was worth it as we could allegedly see 100 miles from that vantage point. The dinosaurs have been there since the 1930s, so it was pretty cool to experience these attractions that generations of Americans have experienced. It was also nice that they were free. South Dakotans seem to strongly favor public fundage for public fun which is most obviously working because everything we saw in South Dakota was very well maintained and trash free.


Another free attraction in Rapid City, SD is the "City of Presidents" in the downtown area. On nearly every street corner, a sculpture of one of our past presents is available with a little distinguishing touch unique to that president; Carter has a peanut on his base while Kennedy is holding a toy airplane in one hand and his son in the other. Definitely a nice touch although the downtown area was rather lifeless for early evening on a Saturday.


We spent our Saturday evening at one of the highlights for all of us on the trip as a whole: The Grand Magic Show which is located right on the grounds of Bedrock City Theme Park & Camping Resort where we stayed (and where everything is made to look like you're in The Flintstones cartoon. "Who's Dino?" our girls said--oy!) This show was Vegas quality but intended for families, and I greatly appreciated the Neil Diamond sparkles on the lead magician, Duane Laflin's, outfits. We absolutely could not figure out almost all of the tricks they performed--truly mind boggling and unexpectedly good. Definitely support them if you're ever in South Dakota.


Day 23, July 6th: Custer, SD


Bryan and I woke up to the "Magic of Magic Show" put on by both Riley and Jordyn Collins with the tricks and magic kits we'd bought them the night before. They loved putting on a show for us and I was amazed at how quickly they picked up both the tricks and the showmanship. Riley has one trick involving three separate cups and magically appearing balls that Bryan and I cannot figure out and she refuses to tell us or let us see inside her cups! Rascal! Jordyn's magic coloring book goes from being a regular coloring book, to a colored coloring book, to a book full of blank white pages. Mind blowing! Definitely catch the Collins girls' "Magic of Magic Show" next time you see that crazy Collins RV roll by. 


Because we'd done so much the day before in the hot afternoon sun, we decided to veg out in the RV for awhile on this day and head to Mt. Rushmore in the early evening. Well, this neat freak can veg in a 23 days old hairy and crumby RV for only so long, so I set about cleaning it while Bryan watched TV/napped and the girls practiced their magic tricks. It takes me approximately 7-8 hours to thoroughly clean our nearly 3000 sq. ft. house at home; it took me just over an hour to thoroughly clean the RV. Yes, please!


Mt. Rushmore, although tinier than expected upon first seeing it, especially after having already experienced the enormity of Crazy Horse, is still immensely impressive because it's Mt. Rushmore, an image I have seen countless times since I was a kid and now here it was, right before my very eyes. Unfortunately, my first glimpse of it came from the parking garage right below it. I much preferred the first glimpse of the Grand Canyon which comes only after you have climbed up and over 400 ft of stairs, on the South Rim at least, so it was a little disappointing to pull into a parking spot and see the monument from your parked vehicle, but I was glad to finally behold it nonetheless.


We spent a few hours walking along the trail in front of Mt. Rushmore, exploring the sculptor's studio, and reading every word I possibly could in the museum portion of the memorial. I was just in a mountain carving mood I guess and found it endlessly fascinating to read about the challenges and dedication it takes to complete these structures. My favorite part of the day came at the end when a park ranger talked about the history of Mt. Rushmore and explained why each president was chosen for it. We then watched a video which was interesting, but a bit lengthy, and at the end of the evening, after they had lit the sculptures, they asked for any active duty military, past or present, to come and help lower the flag and it was this moment that hammered in the theme for this blog for me. It's always touching to see members of our American military honored, but this was especially powerful because it was occurring at the base of a national monument, in the dark quiet of evening and they lowered the flag and folded it with such a soldier's solemnness even though they were in plainclothes just like the rest of us.


My absolute favorite part came when the ranger asked each and every individual up there to introduce themselves and their branch of the military. Since there were at least one hundred people on stage, I had expected him to ask them to raise their hand if they were in the Navy, Army, Air Force, Marines, or Coast Guard, but the fact that each person was acknowledged and recognized for their individual service just blew me away. It was beyond special and that is when I felt that sense of American unity and overwhelming pride in our country because all of the individuals up there, united, for us, our country, our freedom, our perseverance.


I thought back over all that America has accomplished in unity, what the sculptors had created at both Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse in unity, all the national parks we'd seen on this trip made possible by the unity of conservationists and politicians, the wonderful children Bryan and I have created with our unity. Well, I was having a real moment I tell you. Powerful emotions right there in front of George, Tom, Teddy, and Abe and it basically just breaks down to do you, as an American, prefer sitting on your back porch eating a hamburger alone or having your friends and family over all united for a BBQ? Which is better? stronger? It's unity, I tell you, unity and ain't it grand that we live in the United States? I had never thought so deeply about the power of being united before and it stirred in me the hope that America will get better at what we've always been good at but somehow lost, being united.


Fittingly, toward the end of our trip, Bryan's MP3 player reached the W's and went on a "we" kick for a good long while: "We are the Champions," "We are the World," "We Built This City," "We Didn't Start the Fire," "We Got the Beat," "We Got the Funk." Oh yeah we do. 


Day 24, July 7th: Hot Springs, SD


Well, after my evening of epiphany, it was time to experience more unity at the Mammoth Site in Hot Springs, SD, which is an active paleontological site where scientists, working together, united! dammit, have uncovered fossils of 61 woolly mammoths, the majority of which are the Colombian kind which means big. Fossils have always fascinated me and this was no exception because these poor beasts fell into a sinkhole and couldn't get out--united in death my unfortunate woolly friends--and their poses, the ways and places they were found told a story, much like having the faces of former presidents or an Indian warrior carved into a mountain tells a story for thousands of years to come. Pretty heady stuff.


After traveling back in time for awhile, we went to the nearby Evan's Plunge attraction which is a mostly indoor hot springs fed water park with some of the fastest water slides I have ever experienced. Jordyn and Bryan, the Collins family thrill seekers, went down the slides again and again while Riley and I took one trip down each and were satisfied to just swim. This place has also been around for generations so everything in South Dakota felt united by time--different people enjoying the same thing with more to experience it in the years ahead. Pretty cool.


Day 25, July 8th: Custer, SD to Sioux Falls, SD


This journey along I-90 is one of the best for finding some great roadside attractions all within one day's trip. We first stopped at Wall Drug, which is advertised for miles, to get a doughnut which is neither Dunkin' nor Krispy, but is oh so tasty! Wall Drug is basically several blocks of united! stores with a few restaurants and they have offered free ice water to attract motorists since the 1930s. There's a fun outdoor area for kids and a pretty terrifying T-Rex that gets crazy every 12 minutes or so. A fine stop for everyone in your party at any time of day.


At exit 170 off of I-90, there is both the Dinosaur Skeleton Sculpture (a human skeleton walking a big dinosaur skeleton on a leash) and 1880 Town which is a town that looks exactly like it did in the 1880s. Not easy attractions to get to in an RV, but fine to see as just drive bys too.


Finally in Mitchell, SD, there is the Corn Palace which, again, was formed through the united! vision of two men who wanted to promote the agriculture of their town and attract tourists and it is still doing so today. The exterior of the building is redecorated every year with nearly 300,000 ears of corn in 12 different colors. August is the best time to see the completed palace and you can also catch a basketball game or concert inside. Corn crazy Jordyn could not wait to see this place and she was impressed; they even have corn painted on the street signs and plastered into the bases of the lamp posts. There is a rather large variety of corn shaped products and eats available at the gift shop.


Day 26, July 9th: Sioux Falls, SD to Ames, Iowa


The Jellystone in Sioux Falls was hands down the most fun campground we experienced on our entire trip. They had impeccably clean grounds, a nice heated pool, and best of all, a free giant inflated jumping pillow, which we all got on and enjoyed. Even your heart jumps. 


This leg of the trip was exciting because it not only led me to my brother, Justin, and my sister-in-law, Krysta, whom I've known since I was 13, but it also unexpectedly carried us through another state we hadn't counted on seeing: Minnesota! We traveled a good long ways through Minnesota until we dropped down into Iowa and all we saw was green for miles and miles.  Another great state to film for that little Nevada project I mentioned awhile back.


Day 27, July 10th: Ames, Iowa


Well this was a tough day and it's odd that it fell on the 10th because we started the trip with 10 hearts, as you recall, and we lost one of them on this day. Scout, the geriatric diabetic cat, made it all the way to Iowa before rather conveniently falling into a diabetic coma. Convenient only because my sister in law is also known as Dr. Deitz and is a veterinarian at Iowa State University. (Woot! I highly recommend traveling to Iowa for all of your veterinary needs because Dr. Deitz is da bomb.)


I won't go too deep here other than to say that Scout's death was another amazing moment of unity because not only was my sister-in-law the one facilitating the process, but my brother, husband, and children were all present for her passing with me in a calm and soothing room and we were able to laugh all together about other memories before it happened and then cry together once it was over and that unity was special and I'll always remember that we were all there together for an old girl who lived to 16, dealt with diabetes for 6 years, and made it all the way from Florida to California and nearly back again. 


It was definitely odd continuing the trip without Scout because her hidey hole again became the community litter box and her true sister, Jem, cried for awhile when Scout didn't join them in the car as we left Iowa, and all the animals seemed to search the RV for a bit, sensing that part of their unit was missing, but it didn't hit me until we got back home and there was no Scout waiting here for me in all of her usual spots. The first night asleep again in my own bed was tense because I knew that Scout would not be snuggling up against me, purring me to sleep as she almost always did, but then, just before I fell asleep, her sister Jem curled in next to me and that was a nice moment of unity for both of us.


Day 28, July 11th: Ames, Iowa


Iowa is awesome chiefly because my brother and sister-in-law live there. They are interesting people with an interesting house, interesting jobs, interesting friends, and interesting pets. Joy and laughter always abounds when you're with Justin and Krysta; you're guaranteed to have a good time, and you'll usually learn something too. We learned that the best place for snacks at their house is not in the kitchen cupboards, but in the raspberry bushes or apple trees that grow in their backyard. We also learned that a shampoo exists that is specifically for dreadlocks and that a cat can have a deep-seated desire to become obese. Better info. than Google I tell ya.    


We spent a lot of time talking and laughing together and dear Lord we almost died watching a you tube video animated from a story some guy's drunk wife told called "Two Chips": I'm na-cho friend. You-tube that right now so that we can taco 'bout it next time I see you.


We visited a delicious restaurant there called Hickory Park which basically involves ingesting 3 meals at 1 sitting because you must have the fried cheese balls for an appetizer and one of their hundreds of ice cream combos for dessert. Our girls fed goats (for hours) at the house of Justin and Krysta's friends and we learned about self-sustaining farms where chickens and pigs do the plowing and fertilizing. Iowa is world's apart from Florida, much more green, and it was neat to experience as fresh and new what they take as everyday normal.


We also biked from their house to Iowa State University, just a few hills away, and it was nice to experience that college atmosphere again; it reminded me of the University of Florida where we all spent quite a few fun years together becoming adults in that magic time period when you're an adult without any real responsibilities yet.


Re-united with my only sibling and his spouse I've known since before I could even drive--the best!


Day 29, July 12th: Ames, Iowa to Wentzville, Missouri


We went from seeing part of my family to seeing almost all of Bryan's in one day: his grandparents, father, step-mom, brother, sister-in-law, aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, and even our future nephew, whom we cannot wait to meet in 2015! 


I grew up with a big extended family in South Florida, which I loved, and I've known Bryan's family since I was 20, babies I knew then are now almost men, so it was a great atmosphere to be in once again. A family united has energy and even though we talked at length with some of his relatives, we couldn't fit them all in but everyone looked great and we couldn't believe how many babies were around. Our girls used to be the only kids at these reunions and now they're the big kids. It's just awesome.



Day 30, July 13th: St. Louis, Missouri


We spent the day with many members of Bryan's family at the St. Louis Zoo which is big, free, and hot! We learned a new way to water plants from second cousin Gabe and we also learned that Grandpa can corner a scooter up a hill like a mad man (and also that the medical personnel of the zoo are quite personable while being professional.)


We spent the evening with about 30 members of Bryan's other side of the family; his mom's sister, Aunt Pat, has produced quite a restaurant full of great people in her lifetime. We ate at The Old Spaghetti Factory and caught up with everyone as best we could. We usually spend a week or two in St. Louis with Bryan's family just to see them all, so it was difficult to have to squeeze that time frame down, but we were able to hang out at Aunt Pat's house afterwards and share stories just like old times. The Kratos are a fantastic family, so if you ever meet a Krato, and you probably will because there's a lot of them, say hi from Jess and Bryan.


Day 31, July 14th: St. Louis, Missouri


One of the only attractions I have not ever seen in St. Louis in my many years of visiting there since I was 20, is The Magic House which is a fantastic place for children under 12. There are three floors and at least three houses wide of rooms and activities to explore and we got to experience nearly all of them even though our girls are precise players--they must digest all aspects of an area before moving on to the next one. I was most impressed that the café there served healthy food, I wish more kid-centered places did that, and I also liked that almost any job you can think of was represented at The Magic House from construction worker to Broadway star for your child to "try on."   


In the afternoon, we visited Bryan's 96 year old grandmother at her community home and she was quite concerned that we had no place to sit and eat with her even though we assured her that she was our reason for being there, not the egg salad sandwiches. Bryan and the girls each gave her a hug and it was just a special moment that made her visibly happy. Your homework is to find a 96 year old to hug immediately.


We spent the evening at Bryan's other grandparents' house eating Bryan's favorite pizza, Imo's, which he craves and talks about every three months or so. If you'd like to know what it tastes like, melt a mixture of three cheeses on a pepperoni placed on a Ritz cracker. I was raised on South Florida's version of New York style pizza so the Missouri brand is endurable, but I will never understand his craving for it.


We closed out the evening, and our visit, celebrating Bryan's brother's upcoming birthday with Lulu's ice cream, one of Bryan's dad's favorite hang outs. Their "concretes," like DQ's Blizzards, are delectable and there's a safe area for kids to run around and play outdoor games like sidewalk chalk and hula hoops. 


I know how I felt leaving my brother and sister-in-law behind in Iowa, so I can only imagine what Bryan felt leaving probably close to sixty (and growing) relatives behind in Missouri. Unity is a hard thing to leave behind.


Day 32, July 15th: Johnson's Shut-Ins in Middle Brook, MO  


I should start by saying that I tried to talk Bryan out of coming here at least 42 times. It's a place he went to with his brother and family when he was perhaps newly teenaged and I can see the attraction for that aged boy, climbing rocks, sliding through natural water slides, adventuring in water, tally-ho! He brought me to this place about 15 to 16 years ago and although it was beautiful, I was appalled at the lack of safety.  Please remember that I am a worst-case scenario envisioner. This place is in the middle of nowhere, the rocks are big, the rocks are slippery, some of the depths are deep, at least one person falls while you're there, and I have a pretty healthy fear of seeing someone's bone protrude through their skin after a fall or of seeing someone trapped or caught by underwater rocks with a rising tide, much less someone I bore through my own body and love more than my own flesh. So, this was not going to be a trip highlight for me.


The Johnson's Shut-Ins area has dramatically changed since I last visited. There is now a medical facility nearby, a welcome center staffed with people who can get help fairly quickly if needed, and a great campground with a paved 2.5 mile bike path leading to the Shut-Ins. We arrived, got into our bathing suits, grabbed our towels, and headed for the river on our bikes, full of vim and vigor.


I tried to convince the girls to go into the "baby" portion of the shut-ins with me, but they were having none of it and instead followed their adventurous father straight into the scariest part of the shut-ins. I took a few pictures of them and then ventured in myself, taking baby steps and checking hand holds all around when they were available. When I got to the rest of my family, I spent most of my time warning the girls to wait for their father and to not do anything until their father got there and to hold their father's hand because this leg of the trip is about unity, dammit, but then I realized that I was being a complete drag because their faces were full of fun. I decided to shut my mouth and just let them go, with their father, and I found a big old elephant of a rock that was smooth and warm and rather nice to sit on in the middle of a river.


After several hours of climbing, I hoped my family was tired and ready for the 2.5 mile bike ride back to the RV but they were not and, since I had at that point seen one teenage girl fall, scraping her cheek, and seen another twentyish man tumble straight onto his fanny, I decided it was enough of a day for me and that I would bike back to the RV by myself, shower and watch a chick flick and that's just what I did. Almost two hours later, my family returned and besides being exhausted, they all look okay except for Jordyn who indeed fell on the slippery rocks as I feared someone in my family would, and cut her chin in several places plus lower lip. I asked if she had fun despite the injury and she said yes. I asked her if she wanted to come back to the shut-ins someday and she said no. Ah, ha! Perhaps I am finally shut of the shut-ins. They are gorgeous but what an accident waiting to happen.


Day 33: Middle Brook, MO to Tupelo, Mississippi


This leg of the drive was a long one and I think we were all ready to just call it quits and go home. We'd seen what we came to see and we'd visited the people we wanted to visit and now it was just a matter of finding Florida again. This was a decent campground but it oddly did not take credit even though it was a Good Sam campground, so Bryan had to unhook our whole rig and find an ATM to pay for our night's stay.


Somewhere along the line, the girls watched Jaws for the first time and then we found Jaws 2 in an Iowa Wal-Mart. On this night we watched Jaws 4, the Revenge where the shark travels from Amity to the Bahamas just so it can specifically terrorize the Brody family. Great $hit I tell you, fabulous film-making.  These cozy movie nights with our family unit were some of the best evenings besides the times when we played games together. Popcorn, cocoa, and unity, can't be beat.


Day 34: Tupelo, Mississippi to Stone Mountain, GA


An anomaly is Stone Mountain, Georgia which is a round mountain that rises up from the ground about a mile or so, literally looking like a big stone. It's weird seeing it next to the hustle and bustle of Atlanta with no other mountains around and after seeing the "real" mountains in western and northern USA, this one sure looked funny.  The campground there is great as is the laser light show on the side of the mountain during the evenings. The show is full of Georgia pride and some pretty amazing effects which make the carving of Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, and Stonewall Jackson look like it's being chisled, dynamited, moved around, and covered in ice during the "Frozen" number. I was again struck by united-ness because much of the show promoted Georgia in a way that I haven't ever seen in Florida. All of the sports teams, professional and not, got a mention and every musician who's come from Atlanta was featured with a song segment and an animated scene. It's a good show overall and worth the trip. I'd like to come back at Christmas for their snow tube experience and to see the laser show set to Christmas music.


Day 35: Stone Mountain, GA to Orange Park, FL


Instead of climbing the 1.2 miles to the top of the mountain in the morning, a fairly easy hike I had done before as a kid, we decided to get our a$$e$ home. Walking into our big, empty, quiet house was unsettling for the first hour or so, but then the kids went upstairs to play, I started some laundry, and Bryan turned on the TV.


And so, here we are, united again with all of you, back in the routine of reality...but wasn't it a grand adventure?  Thank you for being there with us and here with us, united. 


Until next time,
#crazycollinsrvforever! 

Day 21-27

Day 21 (Buffalo to Custer, SD)
This was the longest leg of our trip.
My neck hurts.
The Flintstone campground is neat.
The Crazy Horse monument is going to be huge!
I don't think I'll ever be able to see the completed Crazy Horse.

Day 22 (South Dakota)
Storybook island is free admission.
The dinosaur park has been there forever (since the 1930s)
Walking the city of presidents taking pictures with a bunch of the statues was educational and fun.

Day 23 (South Dakota)
Sometimes, it is nice to just chill and do nothing special for a few hours.
Mount Rushmore is awesome especially at the light up ceremony.
They recognize every single service member by name during the flag lowering ceremony.

Day 24 (South Dakota)
A real live archeological dig site for mammoth bones is neat-o, but I don't know how those people stand such slow work.
It takes 46 weeks to process 6 weeks of digging.
If you ever want to open a community pool and save on chlorine and cleaning expenses, just buy a hot spring, put a building around it, setup some water slides, and call it Evan's Plunge.

Day 25 (Custer to Sioux Falls, SD)
The donuts at Wall Drug store are pretty good.
The Corn Palace is a very interesting place, craft store by day, multi-purpose arena by night.
My neck still hurts.

Day 26 (Sioux Falls to Des Moines,  IA)
The cows only hang out in the northwest corner off their ranch.
The horses never hang out with the cows.

Day 27 (Hanging out with Sencer-Deitzs)
Our diabetic cat Scout was put to sleep today after she went into a diabetic coma. It was sad, but she was ready at the ripe old age of 16 and being diabetic for the last 6.
Jordyn likes wearing the cone of shame.

Things Forgotten
Jessica can read a book while I am listening to music, the girls are watching a movie without headphones, and we are driving on a bumpy road.

Day 20

Day 20 (Yellowstone to Buffalo, WY)
They call Montana big sky country.
I can see why, it is very open, spread out, and probably the most beautiful state as a whole to drive through. You can always see the sky and it is always big!
I saw a cattle of buffalo.
There are cotton trees at our camp.
We really are living the movie RV/Vacation.
My rear bumper of the trailer is beginning to fall off. Apparently their welding is only rated for 100 pounds of force, the bikes are probably 200-300 pounds of force when you add the constant bounce off the road.
The bikes and rack will now ride in the trailer.
There is not much room for bikes in the trailer.
Are any of you a welder?
Friends is always on tv and it is always funny!

Day 15-19

Day 15 (Folsom to Winnemucca, NV)
I passed my first vehical, they were going slower than me!
You can tell when you reenter Nevada.
Winnemucca isn't as dusty as the song makes it sound.

Day 16 (Winnemucca to Twin Falls, ID)
I passed another few vehicles, holy cow, we're trucking now!
I was honked at again for letting my sewer hose drag on the highway, apparently that is not an ok thing to do out here.
Lowe's does not carry my grill attachment.
My truck's taillight almost fell out, why can't thing just stay on my rig? ?
Home Depot also does not contain my grill attachment.
Why can't my grill just fall of my rig?
Bono is right, cuz sometimes you can't find the campground you are looking for.

Day 17 (Twin Falls to Yellowstone)
We made it on 1 tank of gas!
Yellowstone is in a very slim part of Montana too.
There is an Imax theater out here in the middle of nowhere!

Day 18 (Yellowstone)
Old Faithful was 14 minutes late.
It was worth the wait.
It is amazing all the colors in geyser pools.
We saw a natural bridge, this was really cool!
What is a natural bridge? It is when a rock falls into place forming an arched bridge between 2 high points.
It probably wasn't that hard to imagine.We saw an elk, moose, deer, and a few chipmunks.

Day 19 (Yellowstone)
Yellowstone has lots of cool waterfalls!
This place is huge!
Riley hates selfie pictures.
Jessica and I love selfies.
We saw about 5 Bysen just hangin out near the road's edge.
We took many pictures!

Next stop, somewhere in Wyoming.